Fractured Scripture

The Wedding at Cana, as Retold by Drug Warriors


Copyright 1998 by Hugo S. Cunningham

first posted 981019
last updated 981019

19 Oct 98.


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Newsgroups: talk.politics.drugs, alt.politics.libertarian,talk.politics.libertarian, alt.usenet.kooks,alt.politics.usa.republican, alt.politics.democrats.d
Subject: The Wedding at Cana, as retold in the Bad News Bible
From: hcunn@removethis.tiac.net (Rev. Fyron Brymstoun, DD, DT, J&B)
Date: Wed, 03 Jun 1998 08:29:06 GMT

The story alleging Our Lord's miraculous transformation of water into wine at the wedding of Cana (John 2:1-10) has been misused to suggest that Our Lord approved of mind-altering drugs.

Obviously, He could never have intended that His ministry should undercut the testimony of His most devoted followers. By a fortunate miracle, however, Biblical scholars at the Shrine of the Little Flower have discovered, after 19 centuries, the true account of Our Lord's ministry at Cana. It turns out that the original story was stolen and suppressed by alcohol-pushers, and a forgery substituted in its place.

Here, for the first time in 19 centuries, appear the opening 10 verses of John 2 as originally inspired by Our Lord:

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST. JOHN

CHAPTER 2


     1.  And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee;
and the mother of Jesus was there:
     2.  And both Jesus was called, and His disciples, to the
marriage.
     3.  And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto
Him, they have already had more wine than is good for them.
     4.  Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee?
Mine hour is not yet come.
     5.  His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever saith He unto
you, do it.
     6.  And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the
manner of purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins
apiece.
     7.  Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with wine.  And
they filled them up to the brim.
     8.  And He saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the
governor of the feast.  And they bare it.
     9.  When the ruler of the feast had tasted the wine that was made
water, and asked, "but where is the wine?"  Our Lord answered him,
"Verily I say unto you, it is an abomination to defile the temple of
your body with a mind-clouding substance!  Rejoice in the clear vision
and pure mountain springs that My Father has provided you!  Drink
deeply and shout Hallelujah!"  And a homeless shepherd leaned over to
his cousin, 
     10.  And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set
forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is
worse, but I have never heard such a lame excuse for palming off
ordinary well-water; surely such cheapskates have never been seen in
the land of Israel!  And Our Lord, overhearing this scoffer, turned
him into a cockroach and stepped on him.

[end of Scripture reading]

--Rev. Fyron Brymstoun, DD, DT, J&B


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